The English Revolution

I have been considering revolutions today, thanks to a song put in my head by a certain friend of mine who shall remain nameless but not tagless. See below for details.

Anyway, my knowledge of revolutions has revealed a certain trend as to how they are undertaken. Namely, that a group of angry and determined men and women find some guns/swords/pitchforks/pointy sticks and charge up to the local place of government office and start taking heads. The French in particular were masters of this. But I got to thinking; what would the English do if suitably moved to revolution?

I can only assume, not a lot. We aren’t exactly the aggressive type, on the whole, especially when it comes to politics. We’re more the “angry letter writing” type.

And so; on that note, I present the most likely action that an English Revolutionary group will take once they move for power. Enjoy!

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Letter to Head of State, Buckingham Palace:

Cc: Prime Minister, 10 Downing Street.

Dear Mrs Windsor-Royal-Saxe-Coburg

I represent a political group intent on releasing the workers of the country from their bourgeois masters and bringing equality and fairness to this great country of ours and, unfortunately, you represent a symbol of those that we would wish removed from the country. It is with great regret that we must request that you dissolve Parliament and relinquish you and your family’s position as Monarch, handing power over to us; as representatives of the people. We enclose a petition of 30,000 names signed to support this proposal and hope that you would accept this with good grace. Please be assured that we have only the interests of the country and its citizens at heart.

Whilst a small minority of us supported a motion to pursue this change of government through violent means, we as a whole agreed it was much more acceptable to follow a more diplomatic course of action to avoid uncivilised bloodshed. As a part of this, we are determined to ensure that you and your entire family are provided equal status with the rest of the country, rather than put you through the rigmarole of a messy execution. As equal citizens of this new British state, you will be expected to contribute along with everybody else and we appreciate that this will be an unusual experience for you. Rest assured, however, that upon receiving the benefits of an equal share in the successes of the State you will find this work very much worth your while and we hope you will enjoy the proposed residences that form part of our Comradeship Housing Scheme. I can tell you now I really am excited by what we have designed so far.

But I digress. It only remains for me to ask that, upon receipt of this letter, you vacate the Crown and invite us to take power within 17 working days. Failure to do so will result in a follow-up notice being served, followed by a final notice. After which, we will have to pursue legal action or a coup d’état. We hope that, like us, you would prefer not to go through such an ugly process and that you willingly accept our generous proposals listed above.

We hope this letter finds you in good health.

Sincerely yours,

Brother Thompson, Secretary for the Committee Members United in Solidarity Together (ComMUniST)

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(Don’t mock, it took me ages to think of an acronym that worked.)